I know, I know. That’s the opposite of what we all have been taught! I have never been a quitter. I have always believed that you need to follow through on any commitment you ever make ALL the way. I have always had the burning desire to fight tooth and nail, to the bitter end to get through anything I have ever gone through. The never give up mentality runs deep in me. This is the message so many of us grew up with. Now I believe that this is a terrible message to send out to the world. There are many times when sticking it out is the right thing to do, but having it be the only way, your do or die mindset, is not the way to go. There is absolutely a time and place for grit and brute determination. But it’s not the only answer. I am definitely not saying that you should quit whenever anything gets hard. Far from it! But there are different kinds of hard. There are times when you are learning and growing through the hard, and there are times when the hard is the choking the life out of you. There comes a point where it’s time to assess. Quitting something that you are suffering through does not make you weak. In fact, it’s the opposite. If something is so incredibly hard, no matter how hard you try to make it work, constantly feeling like you are not heard, like your will to try to help change a situation does nothing, quit. It’s not for you and it’s not about you. You are not with the right people or in the right place. Life shouldn’t be this kind of hard. The universe will push you to your limit, to try to force you out of a situation that is not meant for you, if you’re not listening. If you choose to fight against it and try to make it work beyond all reasoning, that’s what your life will be; a fight. You need to be still, go down deep inside yourself and really listen. We all have an inner knowing, and it KNOWS. That is what you are really fighting against- your gut. Sometimes we do this because we are afraid of change, sometimes it’s because we have the “never give up” mentality that many of us grew up with. This school of thought is right for certain things, but it’s not right for every situation. If you’re anything like I was, you may take this into any and every situation, making sure that you are not the reason that something fails. But I have changed my mind. For instance, staying in a toxic environment that doesn’t align with what your gut knows is right, can and will make you sick, or even die. This is the time to be a quitter. Take it from me. Moving on from something you wanted at one point, or have known for so long, is hard. But staying in it, is harder in the long run. And it’s really not quitting at all, it’s choosing. Choosing to honor yourself. This is brave and necessary, it’s not selfish. You have to start treating yourself as though you matter, because you do. No more people pleasing and pushing your own desires to the side to accommodate everyone else’s feelings or needs. You can put a stop to this in a respectful, responsible way. You just have to keep your own needs at the center and not at the bottom of your list. Your inner voice is wise, and it can save your life. Just because you can “deal with it” doesn’t make it okay. Yeah, this way of life has made you strong and resilient, but it hasn’t made you happy. I know you don’t like to let people down, neither do I. You were probably raised with an extra helping of guilt and shame, like I was. Living your life as invisible as possible, to try your hardest to never to upset anyone. But when you do this, you are upsetting yourself, inside. I have found a way to change this, while honoring myself and others. I only do things that I can do with a loving, grateful heart, not because I feel obligated. Helping someone when your heart is not in it is not helping them. Let me put it this way- have you ever asked someone to do something for you and they do it but the whole time they seem upset or are complaining? You can see that their heart is not in it. You can see that they are becoming resentful for saying yes. How does that kind of help make you feel? Is it hear-warming and life-giving? Or does it feel like a cloud of negativity and drag you down, or even ruin your day? For me, it makes whatever I am setting out to do a million times harder. What about when someone is visibly happy to be helping you? Does it make your load lighter and more fun? Not just the work to be done but your energy, your attitude? This is the type of help that people need and want. When you choose to put yourself first and not overextend yourself, you have the energy to choose the things that you actually want to do for yourself or others.
If you take anything from this, let it be this: quitting doesn’t mean you’re weak — it means you’re wise enough to choose yourself. And that is always the right choice.